I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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