Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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