I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
