Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
