So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
