...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
