is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
