I bet he comes in French.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
