And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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