Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
