I wanna passion pit in your ass
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
