he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize