too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
