the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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