Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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