Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
