I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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