I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
