I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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