im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
