____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
