another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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Our room will be decorated with my urine.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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