I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
