NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
