I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
