Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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