Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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