I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
