so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
