I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
