No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cockslap morals
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
