When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
