You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
