New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
