dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
