I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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