i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
