And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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