You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
