I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
