Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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