did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
