And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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