That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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