i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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