Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
