I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
