Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
