I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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