This is not my ceiling
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
