What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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