I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
