when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
