I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
