i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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