Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
