i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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