It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
