i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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