You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
