your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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