Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
