Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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