in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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