Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
