i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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