We won't sleep together?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
