if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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