I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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