And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
