I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
