I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
